Heather Keith Freeman (jnanacandra) wrote,
Heather Keith Freeman

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(Yes, I'm still on LJ. I'm just only posting here when it's something that really doesn't belong on The Living Artist, which... isn't much. This qualifies, though, especially since I've got a lot of friends here who don't read there, or on Facebook or Twitter.)

I was in another car accident yesterday.

I was backing out of a parking spot, and someone across the way was pulling forward out of a parking spot and ran into me. She swore she was watching carefully. I was too, but I didn't see her at all. I have no idea how the insurance is going to call it. I don't believe it was my fault, but then again nobody ever believes its their fault when something like this happens.

The good news: thanks to the low speeds involved it was, essentially, a fender bender. Our rear bumper was severely dented and will need to be replaced, but it's not falling off, and there doesn't seem to be any damage to the body of the car.

Aiden was in the car and is fine. He was actually very well behaved while I assessed the damage and traded info with the other driver. Afterwards, of course, he flooded me with questions (the first one was "Is the engine broke?") - and when I finally got through to him that I was sad and upset and couldn't answer questions right now, he said "Maybe after we get home I give you a hug and then you are not sad anymore?"

I'm not sure how I'm doing, honestly. My nervous system is so hypersensitive thanks to the accident two years ago that I was in quite a lot of pain last night. Seems to be better this morning, but I'm leery of calling myself "fine" when my internal calibration is so upfucked.

Mentally I was in pretty bad shape. An accident out of nowhere brought back all the post-trauma stuff from the last one. I was jumpy and paranoid, convinced that my life was being ruined, right when I was starting to feel I had a handle on things again, which led me down a path of "the universe is out to get me and I can't ever be happy or more bad things will happen." I managed to keep myself mostly distracted, got a good night's sleep, and am doing better today - was only a little more paranoid than usual on the road taking Aiden to school.

Trying to take a zen attitude - it's happened, it can't be undone, just go forward from here. No good will come of rehashing it, trying to figure out what happened, or how I could have avoided it. Keeping up with the internal energy work, too, which seems to be helping the chronic pain as well as whatever was caused by this.
Tags: accident, brains, health

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