Heather Keith Freeman (jnanacandra) wrote,
Heather Keith Freeman

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The Year In Review

December 31, 10AM, Pacific Standard Time, from here on in I shoot without a script...

Ah, who am I kidding. I've never shot with a script.

So. 2005.

This year started with Andrei's and my delayed honeymoon in Las Vegas, which was truly excellent (even if we discovered that 5 shows in 5 nights really is a bit much). In April Andrei quit his deadening, toxic job, and in June we packed up and moved from LA to Snohomish, Washington. We went to NOTOCON, my art was hung in galleries for the first time ever. I achieved some major personal goals with regards to the OTO, and have made many new friends. And on December 24th, I discovered I was pregnant after a year and a half of trying.

That was the good side.

On the other side have been savings dissolved, legal problems, health issues new and old prolonged by incompetent doctors, a practically new car totaled; my art career has completely stalled after that initial give, and the galleries I am in get no traffic and no sales. Months of frustration and heartbreak, one thing after another. And one of our dearest friends and mentors was diagnosed with cancer and died, decades too soon.

2005 was not a good year. The number of times in the last week I have seen on LJ the phrase (or similar): "Good riddance, 2005! 2006 can't come soon enough" is incredible.

But at the same time, I look at where we were at this time last year. We had savings and income then, but it was a dead-end, toxic job that was killing Andrei by inches, and I had no outlets for my work save my website and friends. I was doing good work in the OTO, but at the same time there was not much room for personal growth as far as the responsibilities and challenges I had before me. I loved the people around us, but the physical environment of Los Angeles was wearing on me heavily, raising my hatred of humanity a little each day.

Now? We live in a town that we love, both culturally and physically, in an area that is relatively low-activity OTO-wise, meaning room for growth and personal challenge. I may not have had the breakthroughs in my career I wanted, but there has been progress, and my work itself has seen a lot of maturation. Though materially things may not look so good, we are strong and happy, and things honestly feel like they're on the upswing as they have not for a long time. Perhaps as a result of the trials of the last year, both of us have started and been maintaining a regular personal magickal practice, to noticeable effect.

And, I'm pregnant. Quite possibly the greatest investment of hope in our future I could make.

Tonight, we ring in the official start of 2006 among brethren at Sekhet-Maat Lodge. But as far as I'm concerned, the New Year started when our child was conceived, on December 7.

Happy New Year.
Tags: analysis, review

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