Heather Keith Freeman (jnanacandra) wrote,
Heather Keith Freeman

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Hm. This is long, and I've already posted something longish today. Cut to -

I was reading back over my journal last week (narcissistic, I know) and this post caught my eye. Given how huge an issue communication has been in my life over the last month or so....

That post mentions how so many stories/movies would not be there anymore if the characters actually communicated. What I didn't realize at the time is just how true to life that is. No one in real life seems to communicate, either, and it's generally only evident in retrospect just how much more information would have helped, and how little it would have hurt.

What's odd is how hard it is to be up-front about things. Even when I KNOW that telling a person something has very little risk of hurting things (especially hurting things more than the lack of information is) it takes a huge effort of will for me to actually do it.

Is it the emotional vulnerability thing? The idea that knowledge of my feelings/thoughts equals power over me? There's some basis to that, but that's only dangerous if I don't trust the person I'm communicating with not to hurt me. They're much more likely to hurt me out of ignorance.

So why can't I rewire my brain to accept this, and be totally emotionally honest with those I care about and trust to try not to hurt me?

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