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So there have been several classes of reaction to the election on LIveJournal today. One class, into which I firmly fall, is heartbroken and angry, and is thinking seriously of leaving the country.

The second class says "what? Don't tell me you were surprised?"

To them I say no, I wasn't surprised. I've been very unhappy with the direction this country is going pretty much since I was capable of analyzing it. This election was my one last hope, that those who believe as I do would rise up and take the country back. I only hoped - but even only hopes can be dashed into shards of broken glass.

The third class is as angry and upset as the first, but they say to stand and fight, and rain bitter words on those of us who want to run away.

You know what? I wish I had the heart to keep fighting. And I cheer on those who do. But I'm done. I've got my own life to live. In the end, I put my trust in myself - not in my god, not in my country, not even in my fellow men. In myself. And I have to do what's best for myself first. This means getting myself to an environment where I can accomplish my will without anyone taking it away from me. And if you don't like those priorities - fuck you very much.

Oh, and I'm sure there are also those of you who are scoffing at the notion that there's anything to be afraid of. And to them I point out that I am a bisexual, polyamorous, Libertarian, ceremonial sex magician. I'm planning on having children soon. In the last four years people have had their children taken away from them for being pagan, for being poly, for living any form of 'alternate lifestyle' you can name. And they've been arrested, kept in jail without a lawyer, harassed and monitored. Women's reproductive rights have been set back twenty years. The country as a whole has become polarized to the extreme, and rubber bands stretched too far don't just come bouncing back. They break. And hurt people in the process.

I've listened and read and talked to conservatives in recent years, leading all the way up to this election. I've tried to understand their point of view, at least get some idea where they're coming from. And I have failed at every turn. I don't see any way to even have a debate with them, and trying simply makes me angry and frustrated to the point where if I keep it up, I will destroy myself.

Keep in mind that I'd be happy to just disagree with them if they were willing to let me live my life in peace. But I don't believe they are. And rather than standing my ground to let the bully smash his fist in my face again and again, yes, I will run away. If I have anything to contribute to this fight, it's in the words and images I create. And those I will create, but from a safe distance, so I can be reasonably sure that I can keep on creating them.

Finally, a practical note. I realize it's difficult to emigrate, and a long, expensive process. It may not be possible for me to leave for a few years, and in that time it's possible, just barely, that the country will turn around and prove me wrong. I pray fervently that I am proved wrong.

So. If you still think poorly of me for having those priorities, that's your call. But I humbly point out that you have bigger battles to fight than to pick on those who essentially agree with you.

And in the meantime, I have a life to live.

Comments

leora
Nov. 3rd, 2004 06:21 pm (UTC)
This is basically how I feel. I am poly, and I hope to have children. How can I do that here? They hate poly more than homosexuality - when they realize it exists.

I won't be able to leave for at least four years, probably not for five or six. And that pains me so greatly. I too hope that move is proven unnecessary. But I cannot and will not endanger my future and my chance to have and raise children.

Besies, my family exists because we are the ones who were kicked out of Spain before they started the killing and torture, we are the ones who left Russia because of the pogroms. And on my father's side, he was the one child of 13 who left Poland to go to the US in the 1920s... one of those 13 went to Israel after the Holocaust. The rest are gone. I come from a long line of people who said, it can happen here, and it has happened before. I feel I have a duty to carry on my family tradition of running the hell away to safety when things get bad, and trying to enrich lands of sanity and freedom.

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