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So there have been several classes of reaction to the election on LIveJournal today. One class, into which I firmly fall, is heartbroken and angry, and is thinking seriously of leaving the country.

The second class says "what? Don't tell me you were surprised?"

To them I say no, I wasn't surprised. I've been very unhappy with the direction this country is going pretty much since I was capable of analyzing it. This election was my one last hope, that those who believe as I do would rise up and take the country back. I only hoped - but even only hopes can be dashed into shards of broken glass.

The third class is as angry and upset as the first, but they say to stand and fight, and rain bitter words on those of us who want to run away.

You know what? I wish I had the heart to keep fighting. And I cheer on those who do. But I'm done. I've got my own life to live. In the end, I put my trust in myself - not in my god, not in my country, not even in my fellow men. In myself. And I have to do what's best for myself first. This means getting myself to an environment where I can accomplish my will without anyone taking it away from me. And if you don't like those priorities - fuck you very much.

Oh, and I'm sure there are also those of you who are scoffing at the notion that there's anything to be afraid of. And to them I point out that I am a bisexual, polyamorous, Libertarian, ceremonial sex magician. I'm planning on having children soon. In the last four years people have had their children taken away from them for being pagan, for being poly, for living any form of 'alternate lifestyle' you can name. And they've been arrested, kept in jail without a lawyer, harassed and monitored. Women's reproductive rights have been set back twenty years. The country as a whole has become polarized to the extreme, and rubber bands stretched too far don't just come bouncing back. They break. And hurt people in the process.

I've listened and read and talked to conservatives in recent years, leading all the way up to this election. I've tried to understand their point of view, at least get some idea where they're coming from. And I have failed at every turn. I don't see any way to even have a debate with them, and trying simply makes me angry and frustrated to the point where if I keep it up, I will destroy myself.

Keep in mind that I'd be happy to just disagree with them if they were willing to let me live my life in peace. But I don't believe they are. And rather than standing my ground to let the bully smash his fist in my face again and again, yes, I will run away. If I have anything to contribute to this fight, it's in the words and images I create. And those I will create, but from a safe distance, so I can be reasonably sure that I can keep on creating them.

Finally, a practical note. I realize it's difficult to emigrate, and a long, expensive process. It may not be possible for me to leave for a few years, and in that time it's possible, just barely, that the country will turn around and prove me wrong. I pray fervently that I am proved wrong.

So. If you still think poorly of me for having those priorities, that's your call. But I humbly point out that you have bigger battles to fight than to pick on those who essentially agree with you.

And in the meantime, I have a life to live.


(Deleted comment)
Nov. 3rd, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC)
Get a clue. Sometimes the person you married has cleverly hidden some traits. Sometimes the person you married changes for the worse. To deny somebody a right to their children for being pagan -- even in a divorce -- is unacceptable.
I just love it when people read between the lines, and who are so concerned with their agenda they don't realize that perhaps that is not what the other person said.

First, let me be clear.

I never said someone should deny anyone the right to their children because they are pagan.

What I said was:

The divorce court system in this country is broken. My examples should have established this. (Or did you skip the part about wearing too much pink? You don't think I'm talking about the First Neo-Pagan Church of the Pink Clothing, do you?)

The problem is because things are entirely fucked up when it comes to divorce (I'm watching two co-workers go through divorces now), pretty much the only thing that can be said is "you picked the son-of-a-bitch"--because given the complete arbitrary randomness of the court, you're pretty much screwed. Even if you win.
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 4th, 2004 08:29 am (UTC)
I think you are missing the point. You had also said, "Divorce cases are always inevitably complete messes and complete fuck-ups--and so, in my mind, don't count."

You have completely missed my point entirely, which is this:

My discussion was phrased in the context of the fear that the greater society is attempting to impose it's collective (christian) values upon people against their will. When I said "divorce cases...don't count", what I mean is that as all divorce cases wind up being settled in rather caprecious, arbitrary and random ways, it does not count in the sense that it represents the overall society attempting to impose it's christian values upon pagans and neo-pagans.

I am in no way denegrating those who go through divorce as individuals who somehow "don't count." Such a reading is not only clearly not my intent, but places me in the worse possible light.

I'm not being granted the benefit of the doubt here.

Such a reading either demonstrates an attachment to the intellectual mis-reading that you have made (assuming I'm talking about individuals not counting, when I'm really talking about it not counting towards an example of the larger society "legislating" morality), or an attachment due to either being directly or indirectly involved in such a case.

I cannot think of another possible explanation that would suggest that my original statement (regarding overall society's attempts--or lack thereof--to legislate morality) would be mis-read in such a negative manner that two people would believe that somehow I need to be "educated" or "shown" anything.


firesea: self-portrait
Heather Keith Freeman
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