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What do I want?

I want too much.

I want a tribe, an extended chosen family. I want partners who rouse the spiritual and physical passion in me. I want children; at least one of my body, and more of my heart.

I want the people surrounding me to be honest and open; to err on the side of more communication, not less. I want friends with whom I can have all-night philosophical discussions; with whom I don't agree on everything, but share enough that we can debate from common ground. I want them to like cats.

I want a large house, with three or more people living there and more visiting frequently. I want my home to be a home away from home for others, and yet still have my own private space. I want to have room to experiment with space, and color, and light. I want a garden.

I want to not have to worry about money. I don't need to live lavishly, but I don't want to be always fretting about where my next month's rent is coming from, or to feel guilty about buying art supplies. I want to go to a Symphony concert once in a while.

I want to take yoga classes, and aikido, and go to life drawing sessions. I want to go skydiving again.

I want to continue being an artist. I want a business manager, or an agent, to sell my work for me.

I want to be able to travel more often; to visit Maine, Boston, Pittsburgh, LA more than once a year. I want to go places I've never been: New Zealand, Japan, Scotland, Egypt. I want to go to Burning Man.

I want to find or start a drum circle that isn't all djembe cowboys. I want to find a pagan circle that isn't fluffy-bunny Wiccan. I want to take my second degree, and be Priestess in a Gnostic Mass. I want to find a place like Four Quarters out here, and dance all night by the fire under the standing stones.

I want too much.

Comments

tavalon
Feb. 6th, 2003 04:14 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, you just described the blueprint of what I want. And I think what I want is perfectly reasonable. It seems strange that that is not too much for me to want but it is too much for you to want. Perhaps semantics? Or a frustrated, depressed moment?

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