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so yesterday at my therapy appointment we finally got around to one of the central problems I have - my frequent inability to make myself do things that I know I should do/will enjoy/is good for me, etc. Like he was asking if I needed a way to relax more, and I said that I have a ritual I do that works, but I frequently can't make myself do it because I can't concentrate.

He was very confused. Flat out said "I don't get it." Said he wasn't sure if there was anything he could do, asked if I was sure I was trying my hardest, etc. Of course I've been trying my hardest you frickin moron! I'm here in your office because everything I've done hasn't worked!

He then said I might be depressed, and I said I didn't think that was so because this mood isn't constant; it happens frequently, but interspersed with happy/active periods (a long way from manic, though), and rarely lasts more than a day or two at a time. He didn't respond. I should have pressed him on that - his specialty is supposed to be depression, maybe he knows about some form of depression that only lasts short periods of time.

And of course my prospective ADD screening is still in HMO limbo.



Jul. 31st, 2001 11:36 am (UTC)
I'd actually be fine if this were just the way I am - *if* I felt like I could be this way and hold down a job. Unfortunately I can't afford to quit and be an artist, not with jc unemployed.

I guess what I'm looking for is a way to hold things together until I can get my life to the point where I can do what I want to do, at which point I should be able to manage things myself.


firesea: self-portrait
Heather Keith Freeman
Fire Sea Studios

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