January 31st, 2005

firesea: self-portrait

(no subject)

"Did I ever tell you the story of how I quit smoking?

"Your grandfather and I had decided to quit smoking together. We would have dinner, and then he would rush upstairs, and I would rush upstairs somewhere else. After a few weeks of this I said, 'Look, I know you have a stash of cigarettes hidden somewhere, and I know I have a stash of cigarettes hidden somewhere. This is silly. Let's really quit this time.' He said 'Fine.' And so I took all the cigarettes in the house and took them outside and dumped them in the trash can. And I came back inside and washed the dishes. Then I snuck outside, pulled a cigarette out of the trash can, and smoked it in the shed. And I came back inside and realized that if I could be that sneaky, that dishonest.... And I was so ashamed that I never had another cigarette."

After all these years, I think I finally understand the part of me that comes from her. And it's not a bad thing.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative