January 24th, 2005

firesea: self-portrait

the ADD stream of consciousness

bored. so bored. brain scratching, twiddling, dancing in circles. looking for something to occupy its most superficial layers.

try to stay still. be in your body. just be. be in your body. it itches. it crawls. it's bumpy, I don't fit.

follow the breath. in and out. feel each nerve fire. feel each hair rise and quiver with the breeze of your breath.

quiet. still. quiet.

stretching thin. fragmenting. no cohesion, must hold on to stay still. my head is a whirlwind, not a marshmallow, my thoughts scattering like crackled leaves.

just. be. be. I am. That is all.

that is all i have the strength for, and sometimes it's not enough.

and so i

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