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July 16th, 2001

yay weekend

Saturday I picked up jc at the airport, and he and Laurel and I went to see Final Fantasy. It was interesting - of course, since I was watching it in movie critic mode (like I do all movies since I started writing reviews) I can't just say that it was good and be done with it, but I'll just shut up about it here.

Then jc and I just, er, "hung out" in the hotel room for the rest of the day ;)

Sunday we went downtown - spent a while in the Smithsonian Natural History museum, and then took a walk allllll the way down to the Lincoln memorial. Very pretty, but very hot! (It's DC, duh). Took a side trip to the Vietnam memorial, too, which was an interesting empathic experience - lots of grief and sadness, obviously, but kind of muted under a frenetic hopelessness. Bizarre.

jc all gone home now. But only five days left for me - I should be able to last that long without going nutso again. La.

A pessimistic part of my mind is wondering if I've become dependent on Jarrett - I never thought I was, but spending this time away from him has been hell. I can't ground or shield reliably if I'm not with him; I really need to be able to do that on my own, but I haven't the first idea how to make it happen. I know all the exercises and strategies, but they only work when I'm around people who can ground me. There are exactly three people who can do that - one's Jarrett, one's in Seattle, and one is in Maine. The one in Maine can shield me long-distance (which I keep forgetting) but I haven't been able to ground through any of them unless I'm in the same general vicinity.

wrong button! wrong button!

post OPTIONS, not post.

pondering

So I've wanted a tattoo for about a year and a half now, and I told myself last summer that if I still wanted one this summer, I could go ahead and get it. The only problem is I keep vaccillating on what, to the point where I can't even come up with potential designs to draw on with henna or whatever to test it out.

I know that I want it to be:

all or mostly black ink (wouldn't rule out a highlight or two of color, but I don't want it to fade)
be in a relatively non-painful place (staying off shoulder blades, spine)
be in a relatively non-stretchable place, keeping in mind that I want to have kids (staying off the stomach, breasts, and hips most likely)

Strongest candidate for a location is my right shoulder/upper arm, just due to process of elimination and the fact that I want to be able to see it without looking in a mirror.

As far as what I want it to be, most of my ideas have involved something feline; first I was thinking a cat sillhouette, then leopard spots. I've also been thinking something with magickal elements, like a glyph made from the Greek letters for Thelema or a unicursal hexagram or something along those lines. Problem is I'm relatively paranoid about this being something that will be a part of me for the rest of my life, and want to make sure that it is something I will want for that long. I've always been a cat, so that's a reasonably safe bet. While I feel very strongly about Thelema/magick, that's still a relatively recent development, so who knows for the future. What I really need is something that represents a fundamental part of what I am, and faced with that challenge I keep drawing a blank! I also really like tribal/celtic designs, so maybe I'll just end up with something like that.... I very much want to design it myself, too, or at least come up with the basic idea myself.

Hmmm.

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firesea: self-portrait
jnanacandra
Heather Keith Freeman
Fire Sea Studios

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