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a moment of profundity...

...or just random, half-thought-out babbling. Whatever. Anyway.

There's a strong movement against the idea that you have to be thin to be attractive, and it's taken hold enough that there are overweight female celebrities (in non-sidekick/comedy roles), and most people on the street will agree that the hollywood ideal is too extreme.

I've seen no such movement against the idea that you have to be sexy to be attractive. If you suggest the idea (that you *don't* have to be sexy to be attractive), most people will say "yes, of course" - but have you seen any *hint* of this in practice?

Our society is extremely sexualized. Clothing is designed to draw attention to primary and secondary sexual characteristics, makeup is styled to emulate a person flushed from orgasm, everything is advertised with the implication of "you'll get sex if you buy this". In and of itself, this is not necessarily bad....

However - add onto that the moral legacy of the victorian era. Sex is bad, sex is only done with your spouse and even then you're not supposed to enjoy it, sex is not something you talk about, etc. etc. etc. We have not gotten over that, not by a long shot. (If you think you have, think again - I still catch myself working from that mindset at times, and I've spent most of the past ten years trying to break it.)

You put these two factors together - everything is about sex plus sex is bad - and you get one huge friggin' contradiction. To be attractive *and* moral, you must look, and to some extent act, like one type of person, but not actually *be* that person. (I think that element of dishonesty that seems to be culturally expected of women, and is being encouraged throughout the media, is what wyndam has been so upset about.)

And everyone is going to deal with this contradiction differently. Just as cultural standards differ about what amount of flesh is decent to expose, so are individual standards for what is just being friendly and what is leading someone on. Hell, make that individual standards of the moment - depending on a person's mood and environmental factors, they may be using different standards from moment to moment and not even realize it. Mistakes are going to happen, and when it's about as touchy an issue as sex, assumptions are going to happen that will compound the mistakes into huge raging hairballs of melodrama.

Solution? I have no solution. The world is fucked up. Sex is good, mmm'kay? But it confuses people, so be nice.

I will now go immerse myself in trigonometry.


May. 9th, 2002 01:23 pm (UTC)
It's that whole theory....that started in the church...


It's archaic and stupid but that's the truth of the matter. Once sex was a beautiful thing between two people that resulted in mutual love and coupled with the idea that children resulted. Now it is something perverted. Even though you could go ask your parents or your grandparents how many of them had sex before marriage and most of them would tell you they did (if they are open and honest..).

I was even told by my mother that she had an abortion before she married my father because they got pregnant when she was still only 17 or 18. Amazing how what is good for the goose is not good for the gander though...

My parents told me time and time again that sex should be saved for marriage because you give away a part of your "soul" to that person and become "one" with them... But what if I want to become "one" with more than one person.. what if I like that feeling of intimacy. That deep understanding of where a person is coming from and pleasuring them.

Being an empath that is one of the highest levels of enjoyment I find is watching my partner become totally succumb to the bliss of the sex. Is that wrong of me.. HELL NO... I like having sex.. I like the feel of hands brushing acrossed my naked skin. I like feeling SEXY!~

Yeah.. I'll admit I have low self esteem.. and that when I'm with someone.. I feel special.. I feel like I'm worth something.. but that is not the real reason I have sex. the reason that I enjoy sex is because (1) I can.. and (2) because it is such an intimate experience.


firesea: self-portrait
Heather Keith Freeman
Fire Sea Studios

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