Heather Keith Freeman (jnanacandra) wrote,
Heather Keith Freeman
jnanacandra

  • Mood:

vociferousness

(Disclaimer: this is a joke, albeit of the bitter and sarcastic variety. When I was looking for a job, I often wished I'd get a letter like this - it would have been refreshingly honest.)

Good morning - what was your name again?

Thanks for your recent interest in a position at [REDACTED], even though we currently can't remember who you are or what position you were interviewing for. Heck, we're not sure what positions we have, the descriptions have changed so many times.

Unfortunately, it appears we interviewed you for a position that doesn't exist anymore (if it ever did, I can't be sure). At this time, we're afraid your qualifications do not fit any of the positions we do have open. By the time you read this, that may have changed, and I would say we'll contact you except that by then I'm sure we'll have lost your resume and have five million more to replace it, so I doubt we'll bother.

Thanks again for waiting until we got around to telling you GFY. I'll say we appreciate your interest just to be polite. In actuality, though, one more person like you doesn't make a difference, as we're still looking for the obscenely qualified independently rich engineers who will work for us just for kicks. (There's a code for them in the HR handbook, so we're sure they exist somewhere...)

Sincerely,
[REDACTED]
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